Enigma, according to www.dictionary.com, is "a person of puzzling or contradictory character."
- I don't like tomatoes, but I love spaghetti sauce and ketchup (but not together mind you).
- I can move my arms and legs to go and do as I please, but I couldn't control my own body to produce a baby with my husband.
- I love technology, but I am technologically challenged.
- I love the smell of a pipe and of coffee, but I don't partake in either.
- I want to spend time with God daily, but I don't make the time to crawl into the lap of my heavenly Father and be with Him.
- I want to be used by God, but I maintain my pride, my desire for control, and my selfishness.
Paul wrote in Romans 7:15 -- 19, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing"(NIV). Is that about as clear as mud? Reminds me of the Abbott and Costello routine of "Who's on First?" So, let me see if I can put it to you in a sister's tone, my tone.
Have you ever said, "I don't know I bought that outfit. I can't afford that!"
"I wish I hadn't eaten that last bite. I'm so stuffed!"
"I shouldn't have returned his phone call. What have I done?"
"I knew better than to tell her that. What was I thinking?"
You know you need to limit your spending, watch what you eat, keep yourself pure, and monitor your mouth, but you do the opposite anyway. You know God's way is right, but we choose the harmful even detrimental way because of our selfishness and our pride. There isn't one good thing in us. We might have the desire to be good and do good, but we have weaknesses. We have a sinful nature. You think you are the only one who struggles with this? You aren't. "There is no one righteous, not even one," according to Romans 8:11. And if you think you are better than your sister, you better take that log out of your own eye before trying to get the splinter out of her's (Matthew 7:4). Girl, you need to ask God to search you and see if there is any unclean way in you (Psalms 139). Some who suffer from the affliction of "I'm better than her" need to get off the cross because somebody else can use the wood for something better than martyrdom that glorifies themselves…just sayin'.
We may even have designs on doing something great for God, but it doesn't ever measure up or it falls through. Then we get discouraged because it didn't work out as we planned. I can't remember where I read this, but I was assured that I was not responsible for the results. I am responsible for surrendering, submitting and obeying my heavenly Father. He, girlfriends, is the One and only who is responsible for the results. Think about what could be done if He's the One leading and coordinating everything.
We are not an enigma to Him. He knows exactly who we are today, who we were yesterday, and He knows who we can become. One more definition of enigma -- "a riddle," and here's a riddle for you: He knows we have a sinful nature and weaknesses, but He chooses to love us anyway. The answer: God has immeasurable mercy, grace and forgiveness for everyone who will accept it.
So, even though I may not always understand why I do something, I know His grace is sufficient for me and all my inadequacies. Thank you, Jesus, for forgiving me time and time again, for saving my soul, and for loving my unlovely self. Micah 7:18, "Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy." He DELIGHTS to show mercy even after all I've don – now that is HIS ENIGMA. I am blessed.